____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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