96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
