hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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