did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
