The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
