dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
