It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
