She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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