So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
