I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
