In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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