Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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