I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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