YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The Olympian is in my bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
