why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
