I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize