After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
