I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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