don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
