So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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