He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
