my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
