the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
