My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
