i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
