the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
