well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
