wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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