just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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