I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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