my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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