His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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