brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
