The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
