I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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