I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
