U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
