I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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