im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
