dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
