Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize