meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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