Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
