I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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