remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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