what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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