Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
