I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
