I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You made out with two different species that night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
