Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Houston, we have a blender
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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