I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
