Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Terrible idea I love it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
