im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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