i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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