Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
