Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
