bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
