you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize