You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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