try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
