do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
