I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
