Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize