Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
