she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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