operation harelip BJ is a go
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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