What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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