neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
