Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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