Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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