then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
