every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
