He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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