I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
