Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
