No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drunk is not a location!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
