im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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