so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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