Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
