pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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