this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
