I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
