His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
