Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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