Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this will be a night to untag.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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