So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
