My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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