what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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