Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
