you guys were way drunker than both of me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
