It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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