woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
