The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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