I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
