if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
