you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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