Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
