If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
