Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
