Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
