I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
