The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
