Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
