Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
