she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
