but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
